Letting It Breathe

Tomorrow I would have been 16 weeks pregnant.

At the end of January we found out we were expecting a baby and at the end of February we found out we had lost it. Less than two weeks after seeing the heartbeat I was told at my sonogram that there was none. My heart broke, and is still breaking.

I wasn't going to write anything about it on here but it was suggested to me recently to do something to help heal my heart. I guess it's like how to help a cut sometimes it's best to leave the bandaid off for a while so that it can breathe or something. I'm not a doctor so I don't know if that works, but people tell you to do it. Well, this is me taking off the bandaid.

Some days are good and others it feels as though the tears are just below the surface, waiting for the right cue to bust through the doors. I am a part of a club that should never exist in the first place. I am among many women who have lost babies and it is a terrible thing to have in common with someone. It seems as though most women (couples) go though it alone, however. The people who knew it happened are sad for you and then quickly move on while the pain is still so real and the feeling of loss is so vivid. How long am I going to feel this way?

I know that God has a plan for us and that His ways are perfect, I am not angry with Him. I'm just... so sad. I don't know why things like this have to happen. I don't know why God took away our baby so early, and I may never know, but I am comforted in knowing that God is in control and that He walks with us through the valleys. To know that I will never get to hold my baby here on earth is heartbreaking, but I know that someday we will be reunited in heaven. I know that God is, and will, heal my heart and  continue to be my comfort and peace.


Proverbs 3:5&6
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.